How important is sexual chemistry in a relationship? New Love Times by Sasha Holden

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attraction, chemistry, divorce, lust, marriage, Relationships, sexual chemistry

How Important Is Sexual Chemistry In A Relationship?

BY SASHA HOLDEN · DECEMBER 7, 2017

Sometimes we try to ignore it, to suppress the emotions surrounding it, as Keira Knightly did in New York when Edward Norton touched her hand in the film “Collateral Beauty.” Though experts and lay people all agree, sexual compatibility is not only real, it forms the very fabric that binds our relationships together. Perhaps they are correct in their assumptions. On a recent trip to Madrid, I was drawn to a painting wherein the muse drew her last breath following the death of her true love, from whom she had been separated since youth. Having been locked for years in a loveless arranged marriage at the request of her father, she had forever hungered for the intimacy of her long lost lover. Dramatic perhaps, yet one only has to read through the threads of online forums today to ascertain that in the absence of sexual compatibility, relationships are often doomed from the start.

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Suggested read: Why Sex Before Marriage Is Not Good, But A GREAT Idea

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Let’s take a brief look at some online responses to a disillusioned forum member, found questioning the lack of intimacy within her current relationship. Hannah says,

“Sexual chemistry is vital. You need to feel the love and excitement of a relationship. Without sexual chemistry, you will feel unhappy with a lack of sex.”

Kathryn says,

“In my experience, sexual chemistry – if it’s not there – it will never be there. You will start to feel very guilty and resentful. For your sanity and his, it’s best to end a relationship without sexual chemistry.

Image source: Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License 

Jessica C says,

YES, sexual compatibilityy is very important. The thing is, it may help to balance and accept differences in other areas, and I think this is good as long as such differences don’t touch core values.

Nikki, in turn says,

Sexual compatibility is soooo important! I married a man that I did not have great chemistry with because he seemed like he was head over heels for me, and the lack of sexual attraction was one thing that killed our marriage and relationship.

Experts too, agree that sex and being sexually compatible, are two of the most essential ingredients required in maintaining a sustainable relationship. In fact, the lack of sexual compatibility, and sex for that matter, remain common reasons for relationship breakdowns today. They suggest that possessing sexual chemistry with your partner, feeling the desire, the hunger, and the excitement when you are intimate with them, helps to ensure your relationship shall go the distance.

For when that initial “loved up” phase we all go through in our relationship abates, we need to experience that sexual ccmpatibility, that sexual connection, to keep the flame alight. Most couples, over time, rarely have matching sex drives. The “he wants sex more than me” factor is a common issue raised during marriage counselling. Over time, menopause in women, lowering libido in men and aging, all bring their own sexual frustrations. During these turbulent times, the ever-present cracks in a sexless relationship tend to manifest themselves into a chasm that for many couples, is simply too big to cross. He or she has an affair or loses interest in the broader, everyday facets of the relationship. The inherent lack of a sexual bond between the couple can often lead to a slow and painful end to their relationship.

Image source:  Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License 

Yet your search for a sexual compatibility need not always be a harrowing one. I was in an airport in Europe a month ago only to be touched on the shoulder by a stranger. Upon turning around, a tall, dark, and handsome man greeted me in a strong European accent with, “Excuse me,Ms Holden, your hair brush.”

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Having passed through the security screen, I had left my hair brush on the carousel in search of my laptop and other items. I then felt it. The power of sexual compatibility. Shivers whisked their way through the small of my back, tightening my torso and sending bolts of lightning in and out of my inner thighs in waves of exhilaration. My heels buckled for a split second. I blushed the color of his gorgeous Italian shirt and stuttered the only two words I was capable of saying, “Thank youuu..….”. For the length of the ensuing plane trip and throughout the coming months, I intermittently found myself swimming in a sea of pins and needles, as the memory of his voice sent me tingling off to sleep. Powerful, strong, resilient, sensual, erotic, sexual and surging, in, then out of our very existence. Sexual intimacy is a beautiful thing. Don’t leave home without it…

Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License 

Why Physical Intimacy In A Relationship Doesn’t Always Amount To Intercourse

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article, intimacy, love, marriage, Relationships

Why Physical Intimacy In A Relationship Doesn’t Always Amount To Intercourse

For years, physical intimacy has been proven by psychologists, relationship counsellors, and now sex therapists, to form an integral part of a healthy and successful relationship between couples. By physical intimacy we mean sex, don’t we? Well, not always. There’s a little more to physical intimacy than sailing between the sheets with your partner. Take a few minutes to hang out with me, and find out why physical intimacy in a relationship may not always have to mean sex. Remember, rule number 1, ‘you don’t always have to turn it on, to be a turn on.

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Suggested read: 12 Superb Tips On How To Spoon To Boost Intimacy

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Touch, the power of tactile affection, is crucial to forming an intimate relationship with that special person in your life. We are all tired, stressed, and anxious from time to time. Often, the thought of rolling around in the hay just doesn’t feel all that enticing, does it? You’re cycle’s out of whack, you’re bothered by what happened during the day, you have an early start tomorrow, and you feel the need to bury every mirror in your apartment. Don’t despair, honey. It doesn’t all have to be about getting some action. The very essence of physical intimacy lies in communication with your partner. Connection. Affection.

 

 

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License 

If you come to think about it, sex is something that you can have with anyone. Equating it with physical affection is a rookie mistake that will only leave you feeling alone and dissatisfied. Even one-night stands are a physical act which is all about sex. But there is rarely any intimacy in a one night stand, is there? People are essentially just looking for some companionship and love, and even though a one-night stand can momentarily give you the illusion of intimacy, it is merely just a shadow of the actual thing.

We all need something more than sex to feel wanted and loved and satisfied. Most of the time, marriages and relationships fail because the two people involved aren’t able to have great sex, but the truth of the matter is, you cannot have great sex, unless you are intimate with your partner. Intimacy therefore precedes sex, and there are a number of different ways that you can get physically intimate and close with your partner, without having actual intercourse with them.

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License 

Touching your partner gently on the hand, on their wrist, or upon their arm during dinner are all examples of physical intimacy. Smiling at them, and then extending a gentle hand. Caressing the hair back from their forehead. Kissing them softly upon their jaw. Nestling into their side on a cold winter’s day. Play wrestling with them on the couch. Pillow fights in the morning. A cheeky love pat on the bum. A long and intimate hug upon saying goodbye. All of this counts. Another thing that is grossly underrated is PDA. The adrenaline rush that you get when you and your partner are physically connected when out in public is one of the best ways to establish physical intimacy in a relationship. Putting your arms around each other when you are with a group of people, a kiss on the forehead and holding hands; now, that’s connection.

That, girlfriend, is physical affection. Whether it is a foot, neck or back massage to relieve your lover’s tension, spooning them at night, or simply a kiss hello, it’s all about showing them you care. It is about wanting to touch them because you are attracted to them in ways that are more than sexual. It is about needing their touch and showing them that the physical affection that you have is merely a reflection of your mental, emotional and spiritual connection.

 

Image source:  Pixabay, under Creative Commons License 

Foreplay is also about physical intimacy, which, believe it or not, doesn’t always have to end up with a romp under the sheets. The right touches in the right places can make your hair stand on end and connect you and your partner in ways that you hadn’t even imagined. It gives you goosebumps and makes you feel a mutual sense of love, wanting and devotion, which can then later translate into some mind-blowing sex. But before any of that happens, you and your partner need to know that you are connected spiritually and mentally and you are comfortable with each other completely, which can only happen when you have established physical intimacy between the two of you.

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Suggested read: Intimacy Is Important: 9 Intimacy Exercises For Couples To Build A Stronger Connection

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Life’s about those moments together, moments when physical intimacy toward your partner illustrates your genuine affection for them. “I love you, Sasha,” he said, as he leaned into me and placed the palms of his hands on my jawline. Gathering my hair together from my cheekbones before collecting it in a bun behind my neck, he stared longingly into my eyes, then kissed me ever so sweetly on the lips. Now, that’s physical intimacy. That’s the moment I first thought of when I opened my eyes today. And it had nothing to do with sex…well, not yet anyway…

 

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Tips On How To Look Better Naked And Make Him Horny -www.newlovetimes.com

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desire, fitness, girls, horny, marriage, naked, Relationships, sexy, shy

 

 

Tips On How To Look Better Naked And Make Him Horny

BY SASHA HOLDEN · NOVEMBER 30, 2017

Baring it all in front of him is a little more revealing than unbuckling the seatbelt when you’re a few thousand feet above sea level. When it comes down to taking it all off in front of him, it can be quite daunting, and frankly, a bit stifling. And what makes matters worse is everyone out there is telling you how to look better naked, in order to make your man horny. We have “Instyle” presenting us with 10 tips on how to look better naked, whilst fashion supremo, “Allure,” is giving us 27 ways to assist. Even Hollywood Celeb Kourtney Kardashian is in on the act with a home remedy of lotions and potions to apply on your skin to make yourself look better before baring it all in front of him.

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Suggested read: 10 Infallible Steps To Make You More Attractive To Men

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To be honest, I could write 10 pages-worth of content relaying better ways on how to look better naked, and in doing so, make your lover horny. I could start with nude makeup to accentuate your natural beauty, together with a combination of day/night facial and skin creams to prevent wrinkles and skin imperfections. Why, I could even suggest spray tan to camouflage your skin lines, and exfoliating scrubs to remove the cellulite. Obviously, I could devote a page or two to squats, push-ups, hill sprints, burpees, sit ups, swivels, ab and bum-busting workouts to keep you trim, taut, and terrific.

Image source:  Shutterstock 

But clearly, that would only serve to sugarcoat the real issue. The real issue is that your man has to find you hot and horny. And by you,I mean you, just the way you are. Okay, so you can dim the lights, even change the color of your lamp shade to protect those harsher lines, but the truth is, it’s all about your inner connection with him. Don’t despair though; if the sexual chemistry was there once, it can still be rekindled.

To look better naked, and in doing so, make him hot for you, my advice is to be sensible in the way you look after yourself, and not go overboard. By being sensible, I mean staying fit and healthy. If you can’t afford the gym, there are some great 15-minute workout videos you can find online. I train with sparkpeople.com for my abs,leg, and bum workouts as an example. A walk and some fresh air are good too. Stay out of direct sunlight, get a good night’s sleep, drink gallons of water, and eat well. In other words, fruits, vegetables, low fat alternatives where possible, and home or organically grown, if you can afford it.

And by not going overboard, I mean don’t try too hard. Remember, for the girl with the hourglass figure, time runs out very fast. You are never going to have the perfect shape and physique forever. Yet I know ‘us girls’ are never truly satisfied. I have girlfriends I have modelled alongside and hung out with in New York who are stunning on the outside, though crippled on the inside by fear and self-loathing at the way they look when they walk out the door, let alone the way they look naked.

Image source:  Google, copyright-free image, under Creative Commons License 

Most importantly, be realistic. If you are carrying a few extra pounds, a Brazilian wax may not be the best idea. I once read somewhere that keeping the triangle in line with your hip size may prove to be a good analogy. Actually, when I think of the “it” department, “landing strip” is one of the best rating #hashtags on my blog. So maybe that’s a good place to start, if in doubt. Finally, start where your lover is at. And if you are just getting to know him and aren’t aware of what makes him horny, don’t be afraid to ask him. In order to look better naked and make him horny, stay in touch with what it is that he likes. I’m not asking you to be submissive; far from it. I’m talking about being comfortable within your own skin, in the knowledge that he likes you that way. If he likes you wearing “Issey Miyake” perfume, wear it. If he likes your hair straight, then straighten it. If he enjoys you in dark eyeliner, darken it for him. While these are some of the potential things you could change about yourself, never change your core values and identity for anyone.

 

I was out with some friends in New York last week and they were on dating sites/apps, swiping right and left as the young girls appeared ad infinitum on their mobile screens. “I might meet her,” said Mitch. “Wow! She looks cool,” swooned Myles. Yet, I kind of thought that even in New York, as a girlfriend, i.e., as opposed to a potential date, you have the upper hand. You have the sexual chemistry, and yes, he has seen you naked before. You know what he likes. The best part about looking better naked and turning him on is you know you can do it. You’ve done it all before. So straighten your shoulders, pull that tummy in tight, and go get him, girl. Tell him you want him, you need him, you need to feel him close to you. That’s always a good place to start…just after you’ve dimmed the lights that is.

Featured image source: Shutterstock 

Sasha Holden

Sasha Holden burst onto the literary scene in 2015. Her short stories quickly evoked passion within her fan base who related instantly to her unique brand of eroticism. The ability to engage the reader on both an emotional and physical level provided the key to her success. A renowned poet in her own right, Sasha released her first literary novel entitled “Sarah” Malcolm’s Prize on Amazon in mid-2015 to much critical acclaim within the erotic fiction industry. Like Sarah, her leading female characters more often than not lonely, yet longing to explore their innermost desires sexually. Her stories enter the most intimate corners of her characters’ minds, leaving no stone unturned in their quest for pleasure. The need for my eroticism to arouse readers on every level, as they turn the pages, is my ultimate goal as a writer. Sasha has a strong following in the UK and India, as well as her home base of US. She is now a published author with Moon and stars press.